Are you in an Abusive Relationship? Find out here.

Are you in an Abusive Relationship? Find out here.

Before you can fully identify and understand domestic violence, you have to have a clear view of what it really is and where you actually are in the scenario. The following test will help you see where you stand, in a general sense, in comparison to the abusive situations of other victims.

Take the following test and assign the number between 1 and 5 that most closely resembles your thoughts and reactions to each given situation. 1 is the least or best, while 5 is the most or worse. Use a sliding scale in your mind to arrive at the appropriate number for your response; you can even use half numbers to be more accurate. The five suggested responses are only examples for you to use to understand the question and to help you pick your answers. Your situation may not be exactly like the examples (maybe you don’t cry when scared or mad, but freeze up instead, or maybe they don’t yell, but instead speak ominously and quietly), but still select the number between 1 and 5 that most closely reflects your situation as it does exist, from good to bad, in each area brought up by the questions.

Your responses to this test will show you where your relationship stacks up compared to others. If, after taking the test, you find your relationship is not in good shape, you need to start thinking about what you’re going to do about it, and how. Abuse doesn’t get better with time. The character of the abuse may change, but the bottom line is that if there’s a lack of respect now . . . there will be a lack of respect later.

Click here to take the Abusive Relationship Test

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Patrick Stewart talks on the effects of Domestic Violence.

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A Long-Suffering Woman

MY husband got angry once because of a work situation I was involved in with several other people.  I was in charge of the project, although there were three of us who all has input and needed to make group decisions and be team players.  One of the individuals working with us turned out to be a big problem and my husband didn’t approve of the way I handled the situation. He got very, very upset about it. I explained until I was blue in the face about the dilemma to no avail.  His mind was made up and he refused to listen to reason, even though he knew that I was up against and what the consequences would be.
He was angry and harassed me every evening when I came home for three months.  As soon as I walked in the door, he would start up about what he didn’t like, how stupid I was, how incompetent I was, and how much better he could have handled the whole situation.  I cried every night and lost my enthusiasm.  I struggled every day.  Luckily, the project was successful and I eventually got a large raise because of it.  It was my largest single pay increase at one time ever.
Was my husband glad?  Proud of me?  Did he think it was great that I was able to hold it together despite the difficulties I was having?  NO!  He was upset and angry, despite the fact that my decision had worked.  Or maybe that’s why he was so angry.  In any event, I had to listen to him rant and rave about that project literally for years.  And I mean six or seven or eight years, all the way up to the time we got divorced. He never got over it, and never let me forget it.  I guess it was my “going against him” that made him so mad. Anyway, he made my life more miserable over that single incident than anything else that ever occurred in our marriage.  This was one argument that lasted for not just days but, literally, entire years.
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Preparing Yourself

If the counseling and “self-correcting” methods haven’t worked, if everything you’ve tried has failed, if you’ve finally reached your limit and you’ve had enough, you have no choice left but to leave. Your leaving may happen unexpectedly, or it may be planned and long-anticipated, but whenever you decide to leave, you will have a better chance of escaping and rebuilding your life if you are prepared. And to really be prepared, you will need to:

    1. Brace and strengthen yourself emotionally
    2. Know your rights, resources, responsibilities, and how the law can help you
    3. Create a plan of how you will escape
    4. Stay ready to leave, both physically and emotionally
    5. When the time arrives, take your chances, implement your plan, and leave
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